


diary of a wimpy kid

by ccryptdad



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life
Genre: Carly Rae Jepsen - Freeform, Dogboy, Green goo, Jimmy Fallon - Freeform, M/M, Omorashi, Piss, Sprite, The things I do for love, benrey becomes large, benrey learns how to use a urinal, benrey pisses in gordons mouth, benrey punches gordon in the bladder, catboy, catboy benrey, did i mention gordon pisses himself, dogboy gordon, gman - Freeform, gordon pisses himself a lot, gordon pisses in benreys mouth, john mulaney - Freeform, jojos bizarre adventure - Freeform, jojos bizarre adventure spoilers, kind of, me going insane, me not knowing whats going on, mindless self indulgence - Freeform, mutual piss, peeing, piss holding, sprite is mentioned a lot, urinals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 39
Words: 5,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccryptdad/pseuds/ccryptdad
Summary: in which someone who has never watched half life vr is challenged to write 39 chapters of piss by their girlfriend who is really into half life vr
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. gordon pees in the stall cuz hes insecure

**Author's Note:**

> ive never watched half life vr this is for my girlfriend

gordon was minding his own business, releasing himself in the bathroom stall before the movies. he had to pee all day, and was like so happy he finally got to release his golden stream. suddenly though, he heard shuffling from underneath him, and the sound of his piss hitting the toilet could no longer be heard. it sounded more like it was falling into a cavernous pit? he looked down and saw benrey just standing under him soaking up his sweet nectar, his mouth wide open and his jaw unhinged. he didn;t stop peeing though because he couldnt control his stream

"please dont do that" gordon begged, dejectedly  
"im okay" benrey replied, mouth full of gordons piss.  
gordon sighed and let benrey drink from his fountain.  


mondays am i right


	2. uh oh pee pee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how much longer i can do this

"drink up gordon" benrey said as he unbuckled his. clothes. and revealed his ...length. the stream of piss instantly began to flow out as gordon opened his mouth and lapped up benreys apple juice, hesitantly  
"your piss tastes like sprite"  
benrey nods "yeah"


	3. dont piss yourself gordon !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gordon dont

gordon had been holding in his piss for a solid half hour, sitting in one of the abandoned staff rooms by himself. there wasnt a particular reason that he wasnt going to the bathroom he just wanted to challenge his body. his piss holding session was going good until benrey rolled into the room, a seemingly neutral look on his face. gordon sighed and looked down at his beefy thighs, concentrating really hard on not peeing.  
benrey had other plans, he quickly ran towards gordon and punched him directly in the bladder, causing all his piss to come out like a crushed juice box. gordon doubled over onto the floor, holding his stomach as he just fucking pissed everywhere.  
"what the fuck"  
benrey looked down at gordon as he pissed on the floor  
"sometimes you need to let go" benrey stated, and left the room to go sit on a barrel.


	4. gordon has a uti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listening to the nintendogs soundtrack rn

"yowch!" gordon exclaimed as he pissed in, yknow, the bathroom. his bladder hurt like really bad and he was pretty sure he had a urine infection of some sort. he sighed, desperately trying to get out the remainders of his painful piss. it still felt like he had to empty his bladder, but thems be the ropes when you have a uti. gordon walked out of the bathroom, looking down sadly cuz his bladder hurt. however when he opened the door he walked right into something that felt like someones body.  
"here" gordon looked up and saw benrey standing before him, holding out a carton of cranberry juice  
"why are you giving me this" gordon cautiously took the juice, suspicious of benreys motives  
"for your little uti, crambe,rry jucei" and with that, benrey was gone, and gordon had a big carton of cranberry juice.


	5. benrey pees spiders

"hey feetman, check this out" benrey called on gordon calmy, earning a confused look from gordon who cautiously turned towards benrey, making sure to keep his distance.  
"what is it now?" gordon asked.  
benrey then pulled out his benrey stick and started pissing, except no pee came out. it was just, spiders were coming out of his dick it. spiders  
"why this" gordon was on the verge of tears, benrey shrugged.


	6. look how hard i can piss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont like how i kind of have to piss as i write this

"stop, fucking stop it please. what the fuck are you doing" gordon was so tired as he watched benrey piss on the floor with the sheer power of a fucking pressure washer.  
"look how hard i can piss"  
"please"


	7. the song that might play when you fight sans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> benrey shows gordon undertale

gordon angrily slammed his fist against the table, almost throwing his laptop against the wall.  
"benrey this game is fucking stupid" gordon complained, this was the 10th time he had attempted to finish the sans fight.  
"thats your own fault for choosing the genocide route gordon" benrey was standing stiffly behind gordon the entire time, watching him struggle.  
as gordon went to attempt the sans fight for the 11th time, another person entered the room.  
"oh cool, undertale!" tommy exclaimed, taking the laptop from gordon and finishing the sans fight in a matter of moments.  
"how did you do that?" gordon asked in disbelief.  
"im a scientist, mr. freeman"  
and then benrey pissed because i forgot that these chapters are supposed to all include piss


	8. psalm 27:12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what a black mesa sweet voice is but my gf said its a thing benrey uses

"man im so hungry right now" gordon thought out loud as his stomach growled.  
benrey materialised out of thing air. "heard ur tummy rumbling, here"  
"no wait"  
before gordon could stop him benrey used his (checks notes) yellow black mesa sweet voice on him.  
"what was that? what the fuck was that, what does the yellow one do?" gordon asked desperately  
"piss." benrey responded, and gordon was pissing himself once again.  
"why"


	9. boo! piss!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> elizabeth suggested this one

gordon was minding his own business, for once he was perfectly calm and wasnt living in fear that some shit would happen idk. he happily turned the corners of the halls of black mesa when suddenly-  
"hey whats up" benrey was standing there but like, really fucking big he was like 10 times taller than normal. causing gordon to scream out in surprise and piss himself.  
"why?!" gordon pleaded as piss ran down his legs.  
"you had a little accident there" benrey said, matter of factly as gordon sobbed


	10. gordon chugs arizona blueberry white tea like its the end of the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hes thirsty

he was on his 10th bottle of Arizona Blueberry White Tea of the night, gordon was staying up with tommy and dr. coomer trying to write a 39 chapter piss fanfiction and he needed all the liquid he could get to keep his body going.  
"you should slow down gordon!" doctor coomer exclaimed as he watched gordon guzzle down the cold beverage, but he didnt plan on stopping anytime soon. just like that, gordons bladder filled and hit its breaking point, causing gordon to frantically get up and sprint to the bathroom.  
"look what you've done gordon!" doctor coomer called out as he watched gordon sprint down the hall. trail of piss behind him


	11. benrey doesnt understand the urinal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont know anymore

"again? are you fucking kidding me?"  
gordon looked down as he stepped in a massive puddle of piss, it was extremely dark, suggesting that whoever it belonged to was really dehydrated.  
"is this not correct?" benrey questioned, he had missed the urinal completely.  
"no its not fucking correct" gordon was so tired, there was piss everywhere. it was closer to the urinal than usual so it maybe meant benrey was getting somewhere in learning how to use the urinal, but he still had a long way to go.


	12. benrey downloads mindless self indulgence on his ipod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im running out of ideas and im only 12 chapters in

benrey was sitting on a crate, an ipod in hand and headphones placed over his helmet as he nodded his head to the beat of the music.  
"hey benrey what're you listening to?" gordon curiously looked over to benrey  
"here" benrey passed gordon his headphones to let him listen to the song, gordon listened.  
"you know it - you know that  
i got the boom with the bit and you babies gonna flip - yo yo yo  
you know it - you know that  
i got the balls in the sack and the crackers in my crack - yo yo yo  
you know it - you know that  
because it's on - yo it's on motherfucker  
oh it's on - yo it's on motherfucker  
oh it's on - yo it's on motherfucker  
with that cocaine  
balls and the fresh and the babies in my crack - yo yo yo  
i've been frank enough and in the way i have returned it to you  
my got me right where i want  
my got me very very hot because it's  
on - oh it's on motherfucker  
yo it's on - oh it's on motherfucker  
yes it's on - oh it's on motherfucker  
with that cocaine  
balls and the fresh and the babies in my crack - yo yo yo  
i've been frank enough and in the way i have returned it to you  
cocaine - and you got it - and you got it - toupee - toupee"  
gordon sighed and took the headphones off, passing them back to benrey.  
"that was terrible"  
"its on my playlist of songs that make gordon freeman piss himself" benrey stated. gordon paused and looked down, there was already piss on the floor.


	13. in the simplest way possible, piss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a simple one

gordon pissed but he did it in the urinal this time instead of on himself because benrey didnt do any wack shit, sometimes its nice for life to be simple, and sometimes its nice to piss in a urinal instead of down your leg. good job gordon freeman


	14. apple juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> u guys ever read homestuck

gordon stared at benrey with nothing but pain in his eyes, gaze shifting from benrey to the bottle of yellow liquid labelled 'aple juice'  
"you want?" benrey continued to hold out the bottle to gordon, gordon stood still and continued to look sadly into benreys eyes.  
"you can't be doing this, benrey" gordon said through gritted teeth as benrey continued to hold out the bottle of probably piss to gordon.


	15. *muffled sounds of gorilla violence*

"I just want to reblog this and stress this: Gordon emptied his entire bladder. He didn’t lose 20% of his piss. He didn’t even lose 50%. He emptied his whole bladder. Look at what it’s done to him. You can see the death in his eyes, but he keeps on going. This is why Gordon is one of my favorite characters."  
"what the fuck, benrey?"


	16. looks like im going for a swim

"what're you doing." gordon looked up at benrey as he towered over him, he had increased greatly in size and he was currently standing over him with a neutral look on his face.  
"can you swim?"  
"yeah, w-" benrey didnt let gordon finish, he started pissing everywhere, filling up the room with his piss. forcing gordon to swim laps in benreys piss.  
"how are we supposed to clean this benrey" gordon asked between mouth fulls of piss while he attempted to stay afloat, benrey shrugged.


	17. looks like im going for a swim 2: electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was suggested by elizabeth

benrey, gordon, tommy and doctor coomer were splishing and splashing in the pool that i think they have. doctor coomer was on the sidelines looking out for green goo that might be in the pool (i dont know what this means but my girlfriend said hes allergic to green goo so im including it).  
everyone was fully clothed, of course.  
gordon was swimming around by himself when he noticed benrey breast stroking towards him with a dark look in his eyes.  
"just unloaded a lot of piss in the pool" benrey stated.  
gordon shot benrey a pained expression and slowly climbed out of the pool to sit with doctor coomer.


	18. good morning to all the catboys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> benrey becomes a disgusting creature of the night

"nyaa"  
"what the fuck is this."  
benrey was standing before gordon in a full maid outfit, not only that but he had cat ears coming out of his helmet and a tail. he had went full catboy.  
"what the fuck have you done benrey"  
"i've become the ultimate lifeform, gordon." then he pisses


	19. benrey learns a lesson

"please benrey, just...look watch me." gordon unlatched his suit thing so he could release his flaccid conk and hold it above the urinal, letting out a warm stream of piss. benrey watched with a blank expression.  
"its that easy benrey, you just aim it and release. now you try" gordon finished his business and tucked himself back into his suit, examining benrey now. benrey nodded and stood where gordon was once standing, unbuckling his belt. he almost had it, but then he started pissing in the sink directly next to the urinal.  
"like this?"  
"no"


	20. the big 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive been doing this for 2 hours

"gordon, did you hear?" benrey entered the empty breakroom, a laptop in hand with the fanfiction website ao3 up on the browser. gordon squinted his eyes at benrey and shook his head.  
"hear what?"  
"this fan fiction thats just different scenarios of us pissing finally hit 20 chapters"  
"oh, okay"  
"yeah"  
and then gordon pissed in benreys mouth


	21. benrey shows gordon a funny vine

gordon was happily playing his favourite video game, kane and lynch 2: dog days, when benrey came gliding into the room. he got in the way of gordons game which made gordon go a bit chimp but its okay.  
"what're you showing me?? what is this??" benrey was passing a phone to gordon with a youtube video up on it titled 'funniest vine compilations 2014' it was a video of a child being asked what 9+10 was and responding comedically with '21' which earned a bit of a chuckle from gordon.  
"thats funny"  
"yeah, its on my playlist of videos that make gordon freeman piss"  
"what"  
and gordon once again pissed everywhere, ruining his gameplay of kane and lynch 2: dog days


	22. "why the fuck would they be on a rollercoaster? absolutely do that"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "can they be on a rollercoaster?" - elizabeth

gordon was freaking out. benrey had transported them to the rollercoaster tycoon universe and he was making some god awful ride. doctor coomer, tommy and bubby didn't seem to have a problem with whatever the fuck benrey was doing but gordon had had it up to here, no doubt benrey would create some sort of rollercoaster that made him piss himself, he wasn't about to fall for his tricks again.  
"come on The Ride That Makes Gordon Freeman Piss Himself 2000, gordon!" doctor coomer calls out to gordon, to which gordon replies with a sad shake of the head. not today.  
gordon sat on the sidelines and instead drank a big cup of Sprite™, after the gang rode some more rides benrey approached gordon  
"piss yourself"  
"what"  
and then gordon was pissing everywhere once more, he thought he could escape it but he couldn't.


	23. its 2am and im tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

listen, sometimes i just neeed to make a short filler chapter that still includes piss so here it is.  
gordon pisses everywhere,, itsa all over the place, benrey drinks it up like a good guy. he doesnt need to drink, but he does it because he cares. theyre in love, and he will drink his piss forever.. fuck man. thue jsu psis PIpsi


	24. gordon passes a kidney stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ouch

gordon had been holding in his piss for a solid 2 weeks out of the fear that benrey would do some scary shit that related somehow to his piss, so he felt it was easier to just...not piss. however this was proving to be difficult as now he had kidney stones like it was no ones fucking business. so there he was, standing infront of the the toilet bowl desperately trying to pass a huge kidney stone.  
"i fucked up." gordon muttered  
"hey gordon what're you doing" benrey entered the closed bathroom stall and stood next to gordon who was visibly in pain.  
"oh my god please leave im trying to pass a kidney stone."  
"oh, here" benrey slapped gordon on the back, forcing the kidney stone right out of him, it didn't hit the bowl tho benrey caught it in his hand and stuffed it into his pocket.  
"for the collection"  
gordon was so tired from just passing a kidney stone and simply nodded as benrey left the bathroom


	25. piss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> piss

gordon piss


	26. gordon is a dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> catboy benrey but not

"please no, not this" gordon looked in the mirror and saw his dog ears and dog tail. it was like the opposite of the whole catboy thing that happened a couple chapters ago, he was so fucking tired of this  
"hey gordon guess what"  
"please dont"  
"you know what dogs do"  
"please"  
"they piss on the floor"  
and then gordon pissed on the floor like the dogboy he was


	27. endurance battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by an osomatsu san doujinshi of the same name

gordon and benrey were having a battle. a battle of endurance. whoever pissed themselves first lost.   
the battle was going pretty smooth, or at least it was until gordon drank his 10th bottle of Sprite™ and his body was so close to giving up on him. he had no clue how, but benrey seemed relatively unbothered.  
"something wrong gordon?"   
gordon wasn't gonna back down now, not yet  
"no everythings okay, please benrey, have another Sprite™"  
benrey happily obliged and guzzled down another Sprite™ like it was no ones business. how the fuck was he so calm right now.  
"gordon"  
"what"  
benrey punched gordon in the bladder, the piss exploded out of him  
"why" gordon pleaded and benrey drank another Sprite™


	28. gordon and benrey go to a carly rae jepsen concert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ddjbkkkkki im slipping awyas

fuck yes gordon and benrey had tickets to go see carly rae jepsen live in concert and they were fucking ecstatic, benrey was a big fan of carly rae jepsens work and gordon really loved her song boy problems cuz he has boy problems with benrey.#  
"im so pumped, i hope she plays boy problems" gordon was so excited  
benrey nodded and looked to the stage as the concert started, on walked carly rae jepsen and the crowd went wild. everything was going great until gordon accidentally found himself sucked into the mosh pit at the carly rae jepsen concert.  
"benrey help" gordon called out, but benrey was too busy enjoying the sweet sounds of carly rae jepsen. gordon got beat to shit in the mosh pit and of course, pissed himself. this resulted in benrey making fun of gordon and both of them having to leave the concert early, gordon didn't get to hear carly rae jepsen play boy problems.


	29. this time benrey pisses himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gordon has had ENOUGH

gordon was so fucking tired of always being the one that had to piss himself, today was the day that benrey got a taste of his own medicine. he waited until benrey had his guard down and just fucking , ran at him with all his might . punching him right in the bladder. gordon waited for the sound of liquid hitting the floor but benrey just stood there and looked at gordon, his eyes shadowed.  
"you thought you could play me at my own game gordon?"  
and gordon fucking pissed himself


	30. benrey tries the urinal again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hes trying his best and thats all that matters

"benrey please its so fucking easy"  
"im doing it correctly."  
benrey was currently sitting on the urinal which was definetely not correct, gordon was once again attempting to teach benrey how to use the urinal but it was proving to be as difficult as last time.  
"you just aim and piss in it" gordon was so tired.  
"yeah thats what im doing"  
"no you need to be standing up"  
"why would i stand up to piss"  
"what the fuck did you just say"  
gordon had to teach benrey a lot more


	31. epic rap battles of history

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im so close to finishing this i just need my girlfriend to transcribe the jimmy fallon race through new york ride dialogue

gordon was bleeding out on the floor from being shot in the arm and benrey found it pretty funny.  
"this isn'tf unny please" gordon choked out as he attempted to cover his wound  
"it is"  
while gordon was in absolute agony benrey used his yellow black, mesa sweet voice (i think thats what it was called im too tired to fact check) to make gordon piss himself in order to make the whole situation funnier to him. of course gordon was living in hell while this was happening but benrey was having a pretty good time because gordon pissed himself and that seems to be the only thing he wants to see so good for him.


	32. gman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gman piss

i dont know who gman is but my girlfriend talks about himn a lot so i think hes half life so, he makes gordon piss himseplf


	33. jojos bizarre adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gordon is watching jojos bizarre adventure

"i love jojos bizarre adventure so much" gordon commented as he watched his favourite anime jojos bizarre adventure, he was only at the very start of part 3 so he hadn't finished it yet but he was enjoying it a lot so far. his favourite character was kakyoin.   
benrey entered the room, interrupting his session of jojos bizarre adventure stardust crusaders.  
"watching jojo?"  
"yeah." gordon tried to ignore benrey as he loomed over him.  
"kakyoin dies at the end of part 3" said benrey.  
gordon didn't even have to look as he felt the piss running down his leg, just getting his favourite anime spoiled was enough to make him piss himself apparently.  
"why do you do this"  
"piss funny"


	34. "just make a chapter about john mulaney"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was an interesting request

gordon and benrey had front row seats to see famous comedian john mulaneys new stand up routine at radio city. gordon was a little nervous because apparently this included crowd participation which gordon wasn't a big fan of, he didn't see why perfectly good comedians would ruin their sets and the enjoyment of other people in the crowd just to say some funny shit to a person in the crowd who looks seriously uncomfortable. good thing gordon didn't normally attract a lot of eyes and blended in with the crowd in his. half life. suit thing so its okay.  
benrey and gordon took their seats and john mulaney walked on, talking as though he was a fancy man from the 1950s who your grandmother had a crush on back in her youth.  
"now we're going to do some crowd participation" exclaimed john mulaney  
"over here mr mulaney" benrey called out and gordon fucking shrivelled into his seat. why.  
"yes benrey?" john mulaney smiled at benrey and a spotlight shone on benrey who pointed to gordon.  
"gordon freeman wants to come up on stage" john mulaney didn't need any further persuasion, his hand reached out and grabbed gordon by his tiny neck, pulling him up with his man strength.  
gordon was standing on the stage, all the eyes were on him. benrey gave gordon a thumbs up.  
"so gordon-" john started but gordon was already pissing himself.  
he just wanted to enjoy american comedian john mulaney. benrey made fun of him on the way home


	35. ultimate assasins creed song by smosh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how many fools can i kill today

How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
Freedom fightin' machine, big-ass hatchet in hand  
Why'd you have to kill my bros? I'm-a slash your face, man  
I'm a very skilled assassin killin' dudes in ones and twos  
Blood flowin' like a river, need a box of tissues  
When I'm huntin', I be stuntin', you can never find me  
In the bushes, in the hay stacks, in your mother's laundry  
Watch me comin', free runnin', up the walls like a boss  
What you lookin' at, bitch? Taste my tomahawk chop!  
How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
From Boston to NY, always up to no good  
Don't know how I can see out this big-ass hood  
Walkin' through the crowds touchin' you on the back  
Using my hidden blade for a secret attack  
Jumpin' off of giant buildings like I was a super man  
Use your momma as a meat shield every time that I can  
Take a break from the war to hunt for some meat  
(What? A man's gotta eat...)  
How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Up first in the verse feel the clack of wooden teeth  
Bread and butter, lift the covers and you'll find the fuckin' heat  
Revolution I lead, with the world I got beef  
I dig my wigs powdered, wear boxers- I don't wear briefs  
You can't step up to me and my gang  
Horse and carriage, drive bys, bullet in the chamb'  
Ridin' over your clique like the Delaware, son  
I'll get my face on that dollar before this shit is done  
How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
How many fools can I kill today?  
Too many to count, don't get in my way  
I shoot a mofo in the throat with my bow  
Tomahawk chop is my death blow  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!  
Tomahawk! Tomahawk!

and then gordon drinks benreys piss and also pisses on the floor its so hot


	36. benrey actually does piss himself this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i promise

"can you please just piss yourself to make me feel better"  
gordon was so tired and really wanted benrey to piss himself, was it too much to ask that benrey piss?? he can't always be the one pissing himself.  
"fine."  
"wait really?"  
gordon watched as a dark patch formed on benreys clothes and piss dripped down his leg.  
"holy shit you actually did it" gordon was in disbelief  
"drink it"  
"what"  
"drink it"  
well, okay. fine, sure. gordon cupped his hands and took a sip of the liquid.  
"this is fucking apple juice?"


	37. benrey is a 5 year old at a restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah

"benrey eat your fucking french fries" gordon demanded. they were at a family restaurant and benrey was being a whore. benrey shook his head, refusing to sit still in his seat.  
"not until you give me my ipad."  
"god damn it benrey we're in a restaurant you dont need an ipad"  
"ipad or i dont eat"  
gordon was seething with rage, he slammed benreys ipad down on the table, almost smashing the screen as he did so. benrey smirked and began to play on the ipad, turning the volume all the way up for some fucking reason and watching a video on youtube kids that was painful to listen to and benrey made sure that it was everyones problem.  
"can you turn down the surprise egg unboxing video. please"  
benrey somehow turned up the ipad higher. so high infact that it caused the ground beneath them to vibrate, which resulted in gordons bladder releasing.  
"god fucking damn it benrey why"


	38. benrey and gordon ride jimmy fallon race through new york at univeral studios orlando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my girlfriend wrote this chapter <3

gordon and benrey waited in line for hours, it was the reveal of the jimmy fallon race through new york ride at universal studios orlando and gordon didnt want to miss it. the ride began, and a 4d jimmy fallon began to speak to those on the ride, getting gordon pumped for what was to come  
"alright guys, this is it" he holds his hands up almost as if he is in surrender  
"we’re about to start. I’m gonna go backstage and hop in the timerider!" the curtains part and he disappears into the darkness.   
After a brief break, the screen lights up. The curtains are drawn once more after a countdown from a crew member rings throughout the crowd, revealing jimmy himself. He zooms into the stage with fanfare.  
"hey, it is time to RACE. though. New york! U know the course - u know the rules. First one back wins the Tonight Show cup! Ready, set - Let’s go!!" he whoops  
gordon and benrey race through the studio, a pinata’s innards spraying gordon in his face as it explodes mere inches from his face. the ride makes a tight turn around a corner, gaining on fallon after he crashes through the studio drywall and onto a busy new york street. He whoops again, remarking; “if anyone asks, that hole was already there!

he comments on the various sights and sounds of new york city, causing multiple (likely fatal) car collisions with other drivers with little regard for their safety. he does several sweet spins and tricks. there's overwhelming lights blazing from above on the electric billboards scattered across the looming buildings. Fallon comments: 'i know my way around new york, no problem!' he is immediately rammed into by a family-sized car. he complains loudly that it's not fair, but gordon continues to drift around without causing another accident. the lead in the race is short-lived, however, as jimmy defies the laws of space by zooming ahead of gordon and benrey, a smug grin painting his face as he turns back to look at the men. gordon feels his blood boiling at the sight of this man.

there is a rapid descent down the subway stairs that leaves gordon shaken, even more so when him and fallon crash into the electric rails of the train station. gordon bumps his vehicle from behind out of stress, which seems to alert his trickster senses. He drives ahead as if nothing is wrong, only to drift upside down in the tunnel as he warns gordon at the last second of an incoming train. The hot-white lights of the train barrel towards gordon and benrey as they attempt to back up, knocking them out of the station and into the streets once more

the two are greeted by two of the Tonight Show's famous characters, both of who i do no know the name of. one is acted by Jimmy fallon, but is a ditzy female. funny female ! woah.

jimmy's car begins to levitate after a smart quip of his to the ditzy female, gordon and benreys doing the same. the Tonight Riders begin to drift amongst the sky as jimmy tries in vain to destroy their chances of first place. he throws boiling hot street food their way and shoots at them with his t-shirt cannon as an attempt to plug his disgusting merchandise, all the while his mischevious grin never falters.

the frustration of this situation is beginning to build up, and gordon feels himself seeing red. a harsh, saturated red that signifies nothing but a never-ending rage. something that only.. BENRY.. could make him feel. is he.. is he in love with JImmy fallon? gordon brushes these thoughts aside as the Ride Through New York continues, the tension in his gut building with frightening speed.

a deep divebomb leads the two men underwater amongst a school of fish, which Fallon is quick to make a dogshit pun about. The spraying of water seems to be more than the standard 4d experience, though... it even reaches to gordons crotch, but he ignores this in favour of focusing on beating the everloving shit out of Mr jimothy fallon through the 4d screen. the pure rage fades momentarily as he dodges an oncoming cgi shark attack, the water still spraying in a weak pool... wait a fucking second

gordon just came to the realisation that he had pissed himself out of rage towards jimmy fallon. it wasn't the 4d experience. what was worse was that benrey knew the whole time, and was watching gordon with a shit eating grin.


	39. benrey does it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he did it

"okay. last time benrey, you got this." gordon was once again standing with benrey at the urinals, he wasn't going to rest until benrey had learned how to use the urinal.   
"gordon im scared"  
"what"  
gordon blinked and watched as benrey positioned himself in front of the urinal. first position, good.  
"you're doing great" gordon whispered. benrey stayed silent as he held himself over the urinal. and released.  
he did it.  
he learned how to use the urinal   
"you did it, you fucking did it benrey"  
"this is cool i guess"  
gordon grabbed benrey and kissed him out of pure joy, he was just so proud that he learned how to use the urinal properly. they both froze.  
"piss?" benrey muttered  
"piss..." gordon nodded  
"maybe piss will be our always" benrey held gordons hand, and gordon smiled.


End file.
